On my mind...

I feel like writing a random story. I don't know why, I just figure it would be fun.

The tale here told will be a tale you have never heard before, but somehow, you have always known.

Once upon a time, in a village far away, in a land unknown, there lived a quiet girl. She had no name, and this is as she preferred. Silence was her signature, and her thoughts were her refuge.

As the morning of a time of hours was about to approach and wake the village with the whisper of its warm sun, the girl in her warm and cozy bed opened her large simple eyes. Relaxed in the warmth of her blankets, and staring through her window up at the gray sky, she thought about her missing book. Her eyes shut again with a "thump" and her lashes hit upon each other's walls, and again she fell into a deep sleep. A sleep which shunned her from the world, and pushed her soul into a welcoming land of silent nothings.

In this land of silent nothings, she saw herself sitting on top of a hill. It is green all over, green and green everywhere. She walked. She saw a green sky, with green birds, and green clouds. The air around her was visible, green. Everything, the darkest green, almost black. She lifted up her hands up to the sky and her hands were held by some intangible force. This force embraced her and allowed her to zoom up to the sky, the green, green sky.

Her eyes opened again, the sun was out, she looked around, no body. Closing her eyes forcefully trying to go back to the pleasant dream, she gave up. She picked herself up out of bed, and while walking to the bathroom she stumbled upon mountains of books resting upon her shaggy brown carpet. In the bathroom, she looked at her tired face, and opened the facet to warm water and comfortably woke herself up. She put on a heavy black jacket over her pajamas and decided to sit outside.

Suddenly, she noticed something, something that would take her life in a new direction. She noticed the tiny black ants. They were walking in lines, one after the other, hundreds of them. One line going east, and another going west, perfect order. She thought about the village market, people walking one way, and others walking another. Then she thought about life, people going one way, and others in another... with values, with goals, with ways about things. She decided instead of going east, and instead of going west, she was going to go up.

With this in mind, she remembered her dream walking up a hill, being embraced and zooming to the sky. She decided to find a mountain and climb it as far up as she could.

For many unmarked days she thought about going to a mountain, but she never found the mountain she wanted. She was looking for something green, high, and serene. She walked the path of life her way for many years, until she decided to go to another village in search of this mountain.

On a random day, in a random month, with random minutes, and random seconds she found her mountain. It was a number of villages away, and it was beautiful, absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. The green seemed to glimmer with the shining of the nights moon. It was almost like her dream, almost. She held her plain white dress up a bit as she took off her sandals and ran in the grassy hills until she reached the mountain, and so she climbed. She walked through forests that had the whistle of an owl, but she took no notice, and quickly moved her way up to the top. The nights blanket of darkness was starting to fade, it was her favorite, gray sky, and she made it.

On the top, she sat, and it was windy. She felt the soft fabric of her clothes pressing against her and the ends waving in the wind. The wind got a bit fierce so she made her way to a rock and she crouched beside it. A little scared of the intensity of the wind, she tightened her eyes. The rock began to move, so she moved along with it, holding on tight taking it as her friend. Then a massive gust of wind ripped her arms away from the rock, and forced her fragile body up in the sky. Her heart pounded like the beat of a magnificent drum, rapidly beating, loud, noisy, and grand. Something, some force, some energy in the air kept lifting her body higher and higher, she was able to curl into ball as she kept lifting and lifting.

An icy snowball hit her shoulder, ~cold~ she thought. As she kept lifting, her fear started to slowly exit her heart. She opened her eyes. Snow everywhere. It fascinated her, as the snow was falling down she was still lifting up. She was confused, why? Why was she being lifted? And where was she going?

All of a sudden she felt a push of force from every direction holding her. She stood still in the snowy sky. She wasn't moving up, or any direction, she just remained in the sky. She felt the snow hitting her, but it didn't push her down at all, the force became gentle. Then it felt like nothing at all, and she remained in the sky, floating there, comfortably. She smelt something she was pleased with, she smelt a type of citrus. Then out of no where an orange gently glided into her hand. It was already pealed. She had a quick flashback, ~ she imagined herself eating an orange as a child, and smiling, giggling, laughing~... so she ate the orange, and tingles of happiness swirled in her cheeks and glee consumed her.

Then, as she looked at the world in front of her, things began to change. She started moving from one place to another, just watching beautiful scenery. She couldn't imagine being more happy. And quietly in her ear, the sound of her favorite song was humming in the wind.



But what goes up must come down, right? ... WRONG!

Then, she felt herself moving again, higher and higher. She smiled, and then thought to herself ~What now? Can it get any better than this?~ So, she kept lifting, and lifting... and she was being lifted for a long time.

Yup, she's still being lifted... and lifted... and lifted.

Much time had passed and she was still being lifted.

She started to get tired, and after a long while of being lifted, she fell asleep.

When she opened her eyes, she found herself in a small house she had never been to before and a large pile of pillows. The pillows varied in shapes and sizes, but they were all the same color: blue. It was a light shade of blue, possibly baby blue. The pillows together looked as though they had formed a cloud, an incredibly soft and lovely cloud. The pillows were arranged almost in a circle, and around her were piles of books everywhere. In a moment of excitement she thought to herself ~perhaps my missing book is here?!~ Indeed it was!

It was the first book that she saw, and it was entitled, Nine. She smiled at herself, here she was on pillows that looked like a cloud, holding a book called Nine. She thought, ~I guess this must be cloud nine~. She rested, soothed by the peaceful tranquility and opened the book she had longed to read ever since she started it when she was nine years old. She opened the book to the ninth page and it read, "Waiting is a state of mind."

In her state of comfort she finished the book in speed. There were nine lessons in there:

1. Pray slowly and ignore the world.
2. To be excellent in patience there must be no negative energy within you at the face of adversity, AND after adversity.
3. When doing what you love, do not let outside distractions make you forget why you love what you do.
4. Sincerity is in the eyes, and tongue. Watch intently at how someone looks at you and speaks with you, for the signs are clearly there.
5. Smile with your eyes open.
6. Being smart is trusting what is Greater than you with your affairs.
7. Distance yourself from those who do not motivate you to accomplish great things.
8. If a word unkind is spoken to you, allow it to pass through you as if you were invisible and it never came your way.
9. When you do not know, ask. When you do that, you are shooting down the monsters in your mind with arrows.

She closed the book refreshed, ready for whatever adventure may be coming her way.

She got up in that small wooden house, and looked out the window. She couldn't see a thing, it was so foggy outside. She opened the door to get outside of the room, but she noticed that the door was locked! She gasped ~this can't be~ she thought. She looked for any possible way out, but she found none. She thought about the window but the bars made it impossible to get through them. She ran back to the door and made her hand like a fist and started banging on the door. But then she stopped hitting the door, she didn't know where she was, and a frightening thought of a strange being opening the door entered into her mind.

She went back into the pile of pillows, and made her way under. She wanted to hide, but really she was just hiding from the scary images in her mind.

The door creaked open.

She heard little footsteps walking in the room, and she held her breath making sure not to make a single sound. Then she felt a hand on her back, she froze. Then she heard the voice of a small child saying, "don't you fear a thing, I know who you are." She turned her head to see who it was, and she didn't recognize the face of the young boy. Softly she held the hand of the child, she looked into his green eyes and she said, "how do you know me? I do not know you." The child grinned, and said, "don't you know me from your dreams?" She sat for a moment, looked at him with a deep gaze, and she couldn't remember. Then he tried to remind her, "remember that dream? That dream that you had? It was about everything being green?" She looked at him longer and didn't say a word, she tried to remember, but nothing came to her. "I'm sorry I don't know you," she told him a little sad. She tried so hard to remember, but nothing came to her, nothing, nothing. He said, "you're holding my hand, don't you remember the feeling?" Then her eyes widened, she couldn't believe what she was holding. It was the same hand hold in the dream, that hand hold that took her, that took her to the sky, it was the same force that touched her and made her rise high.

She asked him in wonder, "how do you know me?" He told her, "I watch you." She asked, "how do you watch me?" He said, "Do you remember that day, that day you were 9, there was a child who came to you and gave you a book?" She thought for a short while and then recollected, "I remember I was crying, sitting by the shore, I felt so alone, so sad and alone." The boy looked at her, staring, quiet just to listen. She continued, "then you came, you came with a book, Nine." He nodded. She said, "the first words of that book took my tears away." He asked her, "do you remember what those words were?" She closed her eyes and said, "To someone out there you are beautiful, and to someone out there you are so much more than you think you are." He smiled warmly at her.

She then asked, "why did you leave?" He said, "I had to." Her eyes saddened, "I went everyday to that shore, you never returned." He said, "I couldn't." She questioned, "Why?" He answered, "I'm not quite human, there's a beast within me that escapes if I stay on the earth too long; however, my gentleness to you comes in dreams, so that is why I met you briefly once on earth, and then met you forever more in your dreams." She then wondered, "how did you find me?" He answered, "I always knew you." She was confused, "I don't understand." He explained, "have you ever felt that you just connected with someone? Have you ever felt happiness around another person? Is this a feeling that you know?" She looked at the child, "Yes." He continued, "I'm more sensitive to those feelings than you are, and that is how I found you, I sensed you."

She had more questions, she wanted to ask about the beast, she wanted to know why he was the way he was. She decided to leave those questions, she felt her stomach grumble. The little boy sensed she was hungry, he left the room, and shortly came back with salad.

When he came back she told the little boy, "you didn't sense me correctly, if you did you would know that I think salad is what food eats." The little boy smiled, he said, "just taste the salad." To her surprise it tasted like meat, and it was extremely satisfying. "How did you do that?" she asked. He told her, "it's all about perception, things aren't always what you perceive them to be, you may think something is good, but when you bite into it, it's even better!" She smiled at the thought that something could be better than what she thought it was. Truly, life is filled with those moments, you think something is good, but it turns out to be better than you imagined.

After she ate the food, she got sleepy, so sleepy and she drifted off to another dream.

She dreamed that the little boy came to her with a knife and killed her. She never woke up after that dream, she died. [lqtm, so much for happy endings] Just kidding, so she dreamed that she saw gold all around her, dark green, baby blue, and gold. She saw the little boy in her dream and she asked, "where am I?" He said, "everything you see in your dreams is just a blur of your deepest desires, to be in a place that comforts your eyes... you want paradise, but such a place only goes to those who believe. I come to you with a message, to explain to you that there is something greater than you and greater than me." She knew what the boy was talking about, he was talking about God. She always believed that God existed, there was never a question in her mind, she enjoyed the conversation. When she woke up, she found her dream a reality. Her surroundings wasn't a blur anymore, it was real. She saw the darkest of green in the plants, gold trunks and branches, gold stars, and she saw a light blue sky. Everything was absolutely beautiful.

The boy told her, "This will be your home, up in the sky. There are people who live here, all of which are to be a comfort to your eyes. There are children here, everywhere, and there are no tears here, only tears of joy." Her eyes swelled up with tears, yes they were tears of joy. "Everything is clear now, I'm so optimistic of having a wonderful day everyday, how amazing." He said, "everyday is kind." She agreed, and then in her fit of happiness another song began to play:



... The End. [I just wanted to end this story.. lqtm]

patience

Honestly, someone knows just the words to help me with patience... al-Hamdu liLlah.

al-Hamdu liLlah, I'm really glad someone is happy and hopey.

al-Hamdu liLlah, things are going well with me. I wasn't well at first, I mean I still am shocked and embarassed I said what I said, but khayr, things happen for a reason, and life doesn't allow for feelings of regret... so why have them? Ya Rabbi, al-Hamdu liLlah.

My concern right now is about the communication. I'm just wondering, when is it going to happen? In a month, sooner then that, or later then that? Things can take their natural pace, and it can take time, and I don't mean to sound like I'm being hasty or pushy... there's just comfort in knowing what's going to happen next and when.

al-Hamdu liLlah for everything.

Yesterday, I kept repeating to myself, "Hasbun Allah wa ni`m al-Wakil" over and over and over... I noticed I was so focused on saying that, and being sincere with those words that sometimes what people were saying around me just got zoned out. Khayr, I got the gist of what happened.

I really appreciated the way my father spoke Yesterday, al-Hamdu liLlah. He was very understanding, and there was a pleasantness about him. That is from Allah, and al-Hamdu liLlah.

There were many making du`a' for us, and that was an amazing comfort.

ya Allah, I have parent teacher conferences tomorrow. I've never done that before, and I got very little training on that, sigh, I'll do the best I can, I'm sure I'll manage, in sha' Allah.

I think since I took so many education classes already, and did so much in the way of teaching, it would be wise if I just took the time to get my credentials. Once I finish that, then to pursue my other interests. That way, I have something to fall back on. I think I should get my credentials just for the sake of getting them, I mean it would be nice to have that as a back up plan. Or, how about both, maybe I can do my Masters in Islamic Studies, and do my credentials at the same time... hmm, I wonder if it's possible, I'll find out, in sha' Allah.

ya Allah, so much is on my mind.

Nonetheless, al-Hamdu liLlah, things look like their getting better... my parents are becoming more open-minded, and al-Hamdu liLlah things are going well.

al-Hamdu liLlah for everything.

It's true, whether something takes a long amount of time, or a short amount of time it's going towards the same written goal. subHan Allah, that way of thinking is really comforting, al-Hamdu liLlah.

Allah is so Kind.

al-Hamdu liLlah

Things are going well, al-Hamdu liLlah.

There was a time during the meeting I said something I regret now, but it was decreed, and Allah knows why I had to say that, there's a reason for everything it all smooths out at the end.

Khayr, al-Hamdu liLlah.. I'm looking forward for the next steps. May Allah guide us to what is khayr. Amin

i'm trying to keep moderate... and confident

Hasbun Allah wa ni`m al-Wakil

Allah suffices me, and He is the best guardian


-


Rabbi ighfirly

"When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all up hill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don't give up though the pace seems slow--
You may succeed with another blow,
Success is failure turned inside out--
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit--
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit."
~ Unknown

Salams and well wishes (^) always in sha' Allah

Last year we had Thanksgiving at my house. My mom spent hours, upon hours, preparing that Turkey. I remember it was such a burden on her, she had to call many people for advice on things, and the Turkey at one point got messed up and she had to do it over, and try new things... it was so hard on her. Finally, just in time, the people were over and the Turkey was done. When our guests tasted it, they would swear it was the best Turkey they had ever had. I believe I remember I heard my mom making lots of du`a' when she made that Turkey because she really wanted everything to turn out all right. I just remember that when she tasted the fruits of her efforts that it was very tasty! subHan Allah, du`a' and effort are a good recipe for success.

al-Hamdu liLlah, for everything.

-smiles- la illaha illa Allah

subHan Allah

I was reading a Hadith and Sunnah book before going to sleep and I came across a hadith that I thought I would share:

Abu Saeed Khudri reported that the Holy Prophet (salla Allahu `alayhi wa sallam) said: Whoever is blessed with children should teach them good manners, and arrange for their marriage when they arrive at puberty. If someone does not do this and the children take to ways that are forbidden, the parents will be held responsible. (Baihaqi)

.. hmm, okay one more:

Ibn 'Abbas reported that the Holy Prophet (salla Allahu `alayhi wa sallam) said: Whoever sticks to seeking Allah's forgiveness, Allah will create for him a way out of every difficulty, and relieve him from every anxiety, and He will supply him provision from sources that he could not even imagine. (Abu Daud, Ahmad, Ibn Majah)

for help w. questions

check out my naseeb je, in sha' Allah.

Child

Is this cuuuuuuute or what?

subHan Allah...

I'm trying to stay moderate, but every day that passes the happier I get... al-Hamdu liLlah. Maybe instead of pushing down this feeling, I should thank Allah, and enjoy it for as long as I can. -smiles- Allahu a`lam. la illaha illa Allah wa Muhammad rasul Allah

Red Lenses

Thought this was interesting, so here you go:

Red lenses are being made to improve your game, I guess that is, if you play baseball. -smiles- Cool. It is interesting how innovative this world is getting! But imagine a team who all had red eyes, subHan Allah, a little spooky if you ask me. Did you ask me? Okay, you didn't, but I'll answer it anyway. I think it's spooky. -smiles-

more...

More questions/answers:

1.

What's your favorite Ramadan song? -smiles- Tala `al Badru `alayna

2.

Have you ever gotten stitches? Nope
3.

Do you prefer an ocean or a pool? Depends.
4.

Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seats? Window seat
5.

Do you know how to drive stick? Nope
6.

What is your favorite thing to spend money on? My akhirah. [good answer]
7.

Do you wear any jewelry? Just a ring on my finger to keep people away. -smiles-
8.

What is your favorite TV show? Hmm.
9.

Who is the funniest person you know? AS. Amir, my brother.
10.

Do you sleep with stuffed animals? Nope
11.

What is the main ring tone on your phone? Silent
12.

Do you still have clothes from when you were little? Yes.
13.

What color are your bedroom walls? White
14.

Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth? Yeah.
15.

Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Closed
16.

Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees? Yee! Neither.
17.

What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Nothing, or knowing myself, laban.
18.

What is your favorite food? Waraq dawali
19.

Can you change the oil on a car? Nope
20.

Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? Nope, al-Hamdu liLlah.
21.

Have you ever run out of gas? Yes, once, al-Hamdu liLlah at home.
22.

What is your usual bedtime? Depends.
23.

How do you smile? With my teeth -toothy smile-

just for fun

1. How old will you be in five years? 27, in sha' Allah.

2. What age would you like to be? 33

3. How tall are you? 5'6 but my mom thinks I'm 5'7... so I'm 5'6.5

4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks? My four day break that's coming up.

5. What's the last movie you saw? Superman II

6. Who was the last person you called? Angie

7. Who was the last person to call you? Reem

8. Who sent the last text message you received? Hiba

9. Do you prefer to call or text? Call

10. Do you have any pets? no

11. What were you doing at 12am last night? Reading about Ibn al-Muqaffa`

12. Where are you going this weekend? Madiha's walima, in sha' Allah

13. When is the last time you saw your mom? This morning

14. What color are your eyes? brown

15. What time did you wake up today? 4 am

16. What are you wearing right now? A long shirt and pants

17. What is your favorite Christmas song? ...

18. Where is your favorite place to be? In the masjid

19. Where is your least favorite place to be? Las Vegas

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere? Makkah/Medinah

21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years? California, or Middle East

22. Do you tan or burn? both

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night? The angel of death

24. What was the last thing that made you laugh? When my brother drew a mustache on my other brothers face... I probably laughed at something else, but that's what I remember right now.

25. How many TVs do you have?
Me? Or in my house? I personally don't have any TVs, al-Hamdu liLlah.

26. How big is your bed? Queen size

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer? Desktop, I'm thinking about getting a laptop though, we'll see.

28. Do you sleep with one or two blankets? Two

29. What color are your sheets? Magenta

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? 2

31. What is your favorite season? Winter

32. What do you like about fall? The leaves change colors, subHan Allah.

33. What do you like about winter? The rain.

34. What do you like about the summer? I can take time to do things I want to: read books, and memorize.

36. How many states have you lived in? 1

37. How many cities/towns have you lived in? 3 or 4

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet? Depends

39. Are you a social person? Yea, but it depends sometimes on the crowd.

40. What was the last thing you ate? Noodles

41. What is your favorite restaurant? CPK

42. What is your favorite ice cream? Cookie-dough

43. What is your favorite dessert? The chocolate/vanilla cake at Olive Garden.

44. favorite kind of soup? Hmm.

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich? Grape

47. Do you like coffee? No

48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average? 2

49. What do you drink in the morning?
Orange juice, or some Kern's drink

50. How long does it take you to get ready? On average, 30 min.

Random

I imagine a baby with a laptop can soon grow into a super child. -smiles-

subHan Allah

-smiles-

al-Hamdu liLlah for everything.

Yay!
It's almost Turkey Day!

-smiles-

Good Lord!

al-Hamdu liLlah.

Let's see, how did my day go?

I had a parent come and see me about how her son comes home hungry. She told me to watch the children during lunch and make sure that they don't share all their food with the other children. Some of my students are "too" generous, they will give their whole lunch to other students if the other students were to ask them for it... and one would think that at this age a child would think "it's all about me, so this is my lunch, and i'm not sharing"... not my students, the world doesn't revolve around them. Barak Allahu fihum. I did have a talk to them though, I told them, "there's nothing wrong with sharing our lunch, but make sure to have something to eat too, we need food to stay healthy and to have energy." Children need to have food, especially good food.

We spent at least a week during science going over what's good to eat and what isn't that healthy. My students are so cute, during lunch time a child may say something like, "Teacher! Teacher! Look I have carrots!" -smiles- al-Hamdu liLlah, that's much better than a bag of chips or a candy bar, al-Hamdu liLlah.

al-hamdu liLlah my students memorized Luqman's advice to his son. I'm happy about that. I see them walking more instead of running, and barak Allahu fihum little by little they are becoming responsible. al-Hamdu liLlah. Also, a parent who saw these rules posted on the side of my classroom asked if she could have a copy. I told her I would give her one, but al-Hamdu liLlah the office attatched it to the newsletter and now all the parents have it. May Allah allow those who read it to benefit from it. Amin.

I also have posted on the side of my classroom door a set of du`a' for studying. A teacher passed by it and asked if she could have a copy for her son, sweet! So imagine, one day, just posting a set of du`a' on a blog, and having it spread and gaining good deeds by all who use it. May Allah preserve you for the good that you do, and give you barakah upon barakah. Amin.

I found that my classroom has become the "hang out" spot for students of all ages. It's funny because, it's not only students, but a lot of their parents too, al-Hamdu liLlah. Today for instance afterschool, I had a student from at least every grade level come in my class to hang out. They all just crowd around me, and I'll talk to them about random stuff. I don't know how being random is attractive, but it seems to be attracting them, either that or the fact that I hug them to death and tell them I love them. Not the boys though, for the boys, we do the air high fives.

I ask the older students when they come in, "How are you doing? Is there anything bothering you at all?" Then I'll wait, look at them like I sincerely care, and every single one of them had something bothering them. The upper grade girls have a problem with the upper grade boys, and the upper grade boys have a problem with the upper grade girls. For the girls the issue is being called "ugly," or being disrespected. For the boys, it's being teased by the girls. I just remind them that even the prophet Muhammad (salla Allahu `alayhi wa sallam) was made fun of, and his companions (radi Allahu `anhuma) were made fun of, but there's an "art" and a beauty of handling bad words that come towards you. For the girl who was called ugly, I told her, "first of all, to me, you're definitely not ugly! And second of all, do you think you're ugly?" She shook her head. "If you don't think you're ugly, then let those words pass you." -smiles- I will also tell them about how one person calls me a "cow." -smiles- It's true, there's someone that calls me a cow, and I told them, this is how I take it, "i'm not a cow, so it doesn't apply to me, and also, if i was a cow then I wouldn not be offended by it." subHan Allah, I also make them say nice words to each other, that honor one another, they better get in the habit of using good words before the bad words define their character. Khayr ya Rab.

It's so strange, I feel like I'm their mother. The other day, one of the younger students came in my class crying, I told him to come to me and I held him. Waited until he stopped crying then I asked him what was bothering him. He told me that an upper grade student told him that his brother who is in the same grade reads faster than him. I told him that I thought he was an excellent reader, and that as time passes our skills get better. Then I gave him a piece of paper, and I told him, scribble on this paper all the anger and sadness you feel inside. Then he did that, and afterwards I told him to take that paper, crumble it, and throw it in the trash. Once he did that, I told him, "that's it, your anger is in the trash... it's gone." -smiles- al-hamdu liLlah. He felt better after that, he looked stronger, and his sad little face became brighter.

My first graders are growing, subHan Allah, taller. It's amazing to watch them change, so amazing. One student had his tooth drop during class, it was funny, it just fell out of his mouth while he was working. -smiles- I held the tooth and passed by all the desks to show the class, they thought it was so cool. Next thing I know the following day, another student comes to class with a bag to share her tooth that fell too. -smiles- Look what I have started! -smiles- I expect to see more teeth in class as the days progress. al-Hamdu liLlah

What I love most about first grade is that some of them ask me questions that make my iman boost in ways I can only get from children, "Teacher, what made apples so delicious?" Good Lord. subHan Allah. That is an amazing question! What made apples so delicious? It is definitely Allah, and not only that, but what an amazing ni`mah.

I wonder if it's okay to say Good Lord? subHan Allah... hmm, I better stop in case it's not, and plus I don't want others saying it too if it could potentially be bad to say. Khayr. I'm thinking this could be wrong because, Allah is Great, He's better than good. -smiles- Allahu Akbar!

Here are more of the interesting questions I hear: I had them stand in line and we were getting ready to go to lunch, and as I waited for the rest of the class to get to the line and get ready the boy in the front hugged me. He looked up at me and he asked, "Do you have a baby?" I told him, "Nope, I do not have a baby." Then he asked, "Are you married?" I told him, "Nope, I am not married." I smiled at him, subHan Allah, children, them and their questions. Then another student listening said, "Why are you not married?" I told him, "in sha' Allah." Khayr, everything happens as Allah wills it to. It's just funny, how they think about these things at such a young age, that's what makes me smile. These children are observing the world around them, and they have so many questions.

So what about marriage?

al-Hamdu liLlah, things are moving along, and things will only happen as Allah wills them to. Hasbun Allahu wa ni`m al-Wakil.

al-Hamdu liLlah.

Hmm, so I read that pictures lend a helping hand.

I like helping hands... -smiles-

I wonder, since those who oppress will get a taste of their oppression in the hereafter, what about those who lend helping hands? -smiles- Just something to think about. subHan Allah. May Allah allow us to help others, so that on the day of judgement we will be helped.

By the way... I hope no one out there feels offended if I don't post that much. This is kind of an odd blog to have. For one, it's very special, because it has an amazing audience, al-Hamdu liLlah, and for second -smiles-, it's annonymous..., fun times. I don't know what to put in it exactly. For the first point, I sometimes worry I'll be too open and post more of my feelings than I should. It's just hard to show that I care, without so many words, khayr. Some out there are really good at it, subHan Allah, barak Allahu fikum. For the second, being annonymous means I can write about anything I want to, but with this great power, comes as you know, great responsibility. al-hamdu liLlah.

All in all, I do hope not to transgress my limits. Also, knowing that there are going to be visitors this week (and al-Hamdu liLlah, al-Hamdu liLlah, ya Rabbi al-hamdu liLlah that it's people I want to see) it makes me more cautious of keeping my self control. Staying moderate when I'm very excited is challenging. Khayr, I'm doing the best I can, al-Hamdu liLlah, but do forgive me if in any way I have troubled you.

al-Hamdu liLlah for everything, and Allahumma salli `ala Muhammad.

Why Not?

Good Lord! (for some reason I've been saying that a lot lately)

Just a minute ago I heard my brother laughing, and wondering why, I looked to my right side and there he was with my other brother being silly. So, what were they doing exactly? One brother had a black washable marker and he was drawing a mustache on the 7 year old brother's face. You know those beautiful black mustaches that are long and swirl at the end, gorgeous! At first I said, "HEY! What are you doing?" then I stopped myself!!! Wait a second, what's wrong with drawing a mustache on your face? Well, not on "my" face, but in general, what's wrong with it??? -smiles- so, then I just smiled at my brother. As my 14 year old brother says, "Don't waste your time being angry." So, yup, I smiled, and I imagine I can get some good deeds for that, so why not? Since you're reading this, whoever you may be, here's a smile for you too -smiles- ... (psst, show some teeth when you smile, it's more fun that way!)

Then my brother ran to my mirror looked at himself and exploded with laughter!!! -smiles- Why not? Why not do random things and be silly?

I'm a first grade teacher, so I'm doing really silly things all the time. I'm very animated and dramatic, especially with story telling!!! Goooooooooood Tiiiiiiimes!!!! A story to buy for children, especially first graders, is Knuffle Bunny it's so much fun to read, and the children at times fight each other over who gets to read it! Yes, it's that good. It's about a baby that gives her father a hard time, and embarasses him in public, classic.

You know what's so amazing about this life, it's such little things that cheer us.

Now I dare you, go take a washable marker and draw dots on your face... live a little. -smiles- (and no you don't really have to do that, i'm not.)

yay.

subHan Allah, not so long from now someone's coming over that I actually want to see. -moderate smile- yay. (notice the punctuation on the normally exclamatory remark) al-Hamdu liLlah.

mhm... time passes

I'm at the school I teach at now. The parents came and picked up their children and for some reason I thought I would come and update my blog. It does relax me to write here, it's nice, al-hamdu liLlah.

I feel like staying here today, don't want to go home. subHan Allah, we have visitors, khayr, I'll have mercy on them. -smiles- mhm, riiight.

Ya Allah, make it easy. Please keep me in your du`a'.

My mood is moderate. subHan Allah, if there is anything I learned this year it's that a situation can switch within seconds! At any moment, anything could happen, it goes to show me how much I should keep my trust in Allah.

It's amazing how things end up moving along though, every little thing that happens happens for a good reason. It is only later that I find out the reason for why events unfolded the way that they did. It's kind of like a rose, little by little it unfolds, and it only takes a little bit of time for it to show its beauty.

A better analogy is probably fruits. Fruits take time to ripen, and al-hamdu liLlah time does pass.

-moderate smile-

subHan Allah...

Hasbun Allahu wa ni`m al Wakil...

I totally trust Allah, completely... Allah knows what's best. al-hamdu liLlah

Phone call to my house tonight, in sha' Allah, and I'm moderate about it and calm... Allah knows what's best, and He is al-`alim, al-Hakim.

I'm not worried, Allah is Merciful.

The things that calm me...

(أعوذ بالله من جهد البلاء ودرك الشقاء وسوء القضاء وشماتة الأعداء)
A'udhu billahi min jahdil balaa'i, wa darakish shaqaa'i, wa su'il qadaa'i, wa shamaatatil a'daa'i
I seek refuge with Allah, against any severe trial and bad misfortune, and adverse judgement and satire of the enemies.

(اللهم إني أعوذ بك من الهم والحزن ومن العجز والكسل ومن الجبن والبخل ومن المأثم والمغرم ومن غلبة الدين وقهر الرجال)
Allahumma inni a'udhu bika minal hammi wal hazani, wa minal 'ajzi wal kasali, wa minal jubni wal bukhli, wa minal ma'thami, wal maghrami wa min ghalabatid daini wa qahrir rijaali.
O Allah! I seek refuge with You against worry, sorrow, helplessness, laziness, cowardice, miserliness, sin and debt, and the burden of indebtedness and over powering of men.

(أعوذ بك اللهم من البرص والجنون والجذام ومن سيئ الأسقام)
A'udhu bika Allahumma minal barsi, wal junooni, wal judhaami, wa min sayyi'il asqaami
O Allah! I seek refuge with You against leprosy, black leprosy, madness and other foul diseases.

(اللهم إني أسألك العفو والعافية في الدنيا والآخرة )
Allahumma inni as'alukal 'afwa wal `aafiyata fiddunya wal aakhirah.
O Allah! I seek from You forgiveness and security in both this world and the Hereafter.

(اللهم إني أسألك العفو والعافية في ديني ودنياي وأهلي ومالي)
Allahumma inni as'alukal `afwa wal `aafiyata, fee dinee wa dunyaaya, wa ahli wa maali.
O Allah! I seek from You forgiveness and health regarding my Faith, my world, my family and my possessions.

(اللهم استر عورتي وآمن روعاتي واحفظني من بين يدي ومن خلفي وعن يميني وعن شمالي ومن فوقي وأعوذ بعظمتك أن أغتال من تحتي)
Allahummastur `awraati, wa aamin raw`aati, wahfadhni min bayni yadayya wa min khalfi wa'an yameeni, wa'an shimaali, wa min fawqi, Wa a'udhu bi`adhamatika an ughtaala min tahti
O Allah! cover up my defects and save me from fear. Protect me from my right and from my left, and from above and from before me and from behind me. I seek refuge with You by Your Greatness lest I may be murdered from beneath me.

(اللهم اغفر لي خطيئتي وجهلي وإسرافي في أمري وما أنت أعلم به مني)
Allahummaghfir li khatee'ati wa jahli wa israafi fi amri wa ma Anta a'lamu bihi minni. O Allah! Forgive my lapses, ignorance and excess in trespasses which you know better than me.

(اللهم اغفر لي جدي وهزلي وخطئي وعمدي وكل ذلك عندي)
Allahummaghfir li jiddi wa hazli, wa khata'i wa `amdi, wa kullu dhalika `indi.
O Allah! Forgive my sins and bad wills, seriousness and jokes, lapses and all that with me.

(اللهم أغفر لي ما قدمت وما أخرت وما أسررت وما أعلنت وما أنت أعلم به مني أنت المقدم وأنت المؤخر وأنت على كل شيء قدير)
Allahummaghfir li ma qaddamtu wama akhkhartu, wa ma asrartu wama a'lantu, wa ma Anta alamu bihi minni Antal Muqaaddimu wa Antal Mu'akhkhiru wa Anta 'ala kulli sha'in Qadeer
O Allah! Forgive me what I did earlier and what I did later. And what I did openly and what I did secretly which You know better than me. You Alone can make one progress or draw backward, and You alone have power over everything.

(اللهم إني أسألك الثبات في الأمر والعزيمة على الرشد وأسألك شكر نعمتك وحسن عبادتك وأسألك قلبا سليما ولسانا صادقا وأسألك من خير ما تعلم وأعوذ بك من شر ما تعلم وأستغفرك لما تعلم إنك أنت علام الغيوب)
Allahumma inni as'alukath thabaata fil'amri, wal azeemata alar rushdi, wa as'aluka shukra ni'matika wa- husna `ibaadatika, wa as'aluka qalban saleeman wa lisaanan saadiqan, wa as'aluka min khairi ma ta'lamu, wa a'udhu bika min sharri ma ta'lamu, wa astaghfiruka lima ta'lamu innaka allaamul ghuyoob.
O Allah! I seek from You firmness in all matters, and steadfastness on the right path. I seek from You strength to thank You for Your graces and to worship You properly. I seek from You a right guided heart, a truthful tongue. I seek from You the best which You know. I seek refuge with You against any such evils which You know. I seek forgiveness for the sins which You know. Verily, You know the Unseen.

(اللهم رب النبي محمد-عليه الصلاة والسلام-اغفر لي ذنبي واذهب غيظ قلبي وأعذني من مضلات الفتن ما أبقيتني)
Allahumma Rabban Nabiyi Muhammadin- alaihis salaatu was salaamu-ighfir li dhanbi wa adhhib ghaidha qalbi, wa a'idhni min mudhillatil fitani ma abqaitani
O Allah! Lord of the Messenger Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم Forgive my sins and cleanse my heart from anger and give me protection against misleading affliction as long as You want me to be alive.

(اللهم رب السماوات ورب الأرض ورب العرش العظيم ربنا ورب كل شيء فالق الحب والنوى منزل التوراة والإنجيل والقرآن أعوذ بك من شر كل شيء أنت آخذ بناصيته أنت الأول فليس قبلك شيء وأنت الآخر فليس بعدك شيء وأنت الظاهر فليس فوقك شيء وأنت الباطن فليس دونك شيء اقض عني الدين وأغنني من الفقر)

Allahumma Rabbas samaawaati wa Rabbal ardi wa Rabbal arshil adheemi, Rabbuna wa Rabbu kulli shai'in, faaliqul habbi wannawa, munzilut Tauraati wal Injeeli wal Qur'ani, a'udhu bika min sharri kulli shai'in Anta aakhidhun binaasiyatihi, Antal Awwalu falaisa qablaka shai'un, wa Antal Aakhiru falaisa ba'daka shai'un, wa Antadh Dhahiru falaisa fawqaka shai'un, wa Antal Ba'tinu falaisa doonaka shai'un, iqdi `annid daina wa aghnini minal faqri.
O Allah! Lord of the heavens and the earth and Lord of the Great Throne! O Lord of us and of everything. O You Who causes the seed grain and the fruit-stone to split and sprout. You sent down the Torah, the Gospel and the Qur'an. I seek refuge with You against the evil of everything whose forehead is held in Your Hands. You are the First; nothing precedes You. You are the Last; nothing succeeds You. You are the Most High, nothing is above You. You are the All-Aware of the secrets and whatever concealed, there is no one more aware than you Pay debts on my behalf and make me ipervious to destitution.

(اللهم أعط نفسي تقواها وزكها أنت خير من زكاها أنت وليها ومولاها)
Allahumma a'ti nafsi taqwaaha, wa zakkiha Anta khairu man zakkaaha, Anta Waliyuha wa Mawlaha.
O Allah! grant me Your fear and purify my soul as You are the Best Purifier. You Alone are its Protector and Guardian.

(اللهم إني أعوذ بك من العجز والكسل وأعوذ بك من عذاب القبر)
Allahumma inni a'udhu bika minal `ajzi, wal kasali, wa a'udhu bika min `adhaabil qabr
O Allah! I seek refuge with You against helplessness and laziness and I seek refuge with You against the penalty of the grave.

(اللهم لك أسلمت وبك آمنت وعليك توكلت وإليك أنبت وبك خاصمت أعوذ بعزتك أن تضلني لا إله إلا أنت أنت الحي الذي لا يموت والجن والإنس يموتون)
Allaumma laka aslamtu, wa bika aamantu, wa `alaika tawakkaltu, wa ilaika anabtu, wa bika khasamtu, a'udhu bi `izzatika an tudillani, la ilaha illa Anta. Antal Hayyul ladhi la yamootu wal jinnu walinsu yamootoona.
O Allah! I became obedient for You and believed in You, reposed Faith in You, turned to You and fought by You. I seek refuge with Your honor lest You might not lead me. There is no true god other than You. You are the Ever-Alive. You never die while the jinn and the human beings die.

(اللهم إني أعوذ بك من علم لا ينفع ومن قلب لا يخشع ومن نفس لا تشبع ومن دعوة لا يستجاب لها) Allahumma inni a'udhu bika min `ilmin la yanfa'u wa, min qalbin la yakhsha'u, wa min nafsin la tashba'u, wa min da'watin la yustajaabu laha.
O Allah! I seek refuge with You against such knowledge that does not profit and against such a heart which does not fear and against such a self which is never satiated and against such a supplication which is never answered.

(اللهم جنبني منكرات الأخلاق والأعمال والأهواء والأدواء)
Allahumma jannibni munkaraatil akhlaaqi wal a'maali wal ahwaa'i wal adwaa'i
O Allah! I seek Your protection from every evil conduct bad deeds, desires and diseases.

(اللهم ألهمني رشدي وأعذني من شر نفسي)
Allahumma alhimni rushdi, wa a'idhni min sharri nafsi.
O Allah! Convey to me guidance and save me against the evil of myself.

(اللهم اكفني بحلالك عن حرامك وأغنني بفضلك عمن سواك)
Allahumma akfini bihalaalika an haraamika, wa aghnini bifadlika `amman siwaaka O Allah. Provide me with lawful (Halal) livelihood, adequate to my needs instead of the unlawful (Haram) and make me suffice with Your graces needing nothing from anyone else.

(اللهم إني أسألك الهدى والتقى والعفاف والغنى)
Allahumma inni as'alukal huda wattuqa, wal afaafa wal ghina.
O Allah! I seek from You guidance, piety, chastity and richness.

(اللهم إني أسألك الهدى والسداد)
Allahumma inni as'alukal huda was sadaad
O Allah! I seek from You guidance and well- being.

(اللهم إني أسألك من الخير كله عاجله وآجله ما علمت منه وما لم أعلم وأعوذ بك من الشر كله عاجله وآجله ما علمت منه وما لم أعلم وأسألك من خير ما سألك منه عبدك ونبيك محمد وأعوذ بك من شر ما استعاذ منه عبدك ونبيك محمد )
Allahumma inni as'aluka minal khairi kullihi 'ajilihi wa aajilihi ma 'alimtu minhu wa ma lam a'lam, wa a'udhu bika minash-sharri kullihi `aajilihi wa aajilihi ma `alimtu minhu wa malam a'alam, wa as'aluka min khairi ma sa'alaka minhu abduka wa Nabiyyuka Muhammadunصلى الله عليه وسلم Wa a'udhu bika min sharri masta'adha minhu `abduka wa Nabiyyuka Muhammadun صلى الله عليه وسلم
O Allah! I seek from You every goodness; both the immediate and the latter and which I would know or would not know. I seek refuge with You against every evil, both the immediate, and the latter which I would know and which I would not know; I seek from You the best which had been sought by Your slave and Messenger Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم. And I seek refuge against the evil of all such things from which protection had been sought by Your slave and Messenger Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم.

(اللهم إني أسألك الجنة وما قرب إليها من قول أو عمل وأعوذ بك من النار وما قرب إليها من قول أو عمل وأسألك أن تجعل كل قضاء قضيته لي خيرا)
Allahumma inni as'alukal jannata wa ma qarraba ilaiha min qawlin aw 'amal, wa a'udhu bika minan naar wa ma qarraba ilaiha min qawlin aw 'amal, wa as'aluka an taj`ala kulla qada'in qadaitahu li khairan
O Allah! I seek from You the Jannah (Paradise) and any such deed or word which may bring me closer to Jannah. I seek refuge from You from the Hell-fire and from any such deed or word which may bring me closer to the Hell-fire and I ask You to make good every fate You have ordained for me.

(لا إله إلا الله وحده لا شريك له له الملك وله الحمد يحيي ويميت بيده الخير وهو على كل شيء قدير)
La ilaha illallahu wahdahu la shareeka lahu, lahul mulku wa lahul hamdu, yuhyee wa yumeetu biyadihil khair, wa Huwa `ala kulli shai'in Qadeer
There is no true god other than Allah. He is Alone, having no partner. To Him belongs the kingdom and all praise. He causes life and death. In His Hands is all goodness. And He has power over everything.

(سبحان الله والحمد لله ولا إله إلا الله والله أكبر ولا حول ولا قوة إلا بالله العلي العظيم)
Subhanallahi wal hamdulillahi, wa la ilaha illallahu, wallahu Akbar, wa la hawla wa la quwwata illa billahil Aliyyil `Adheem.
Glory is to Allah and praise is for Allah. There is no true god other than Allah and Allah is All-Great. There is no power and strength except with Allah the All- Mighty, the All-Exalted.

(اللهم صل على محمد وعلى آل محمد كما صليت على إبراهيم وعلى آل إبراهيم إنك حميد مجيد وبارك على محمد وعلى آل محمد كما باركت على إبراهيم وعلى آل إبراهيم إنك حميد مجيد)
Allahumma salli ala Muhammadin wa `ala aali Munammadin kama sallaita `ala ibraheema wa `ala aali Ibraheema innaka Hameedum Majeed, wa baarik `ala Muhammadin wa `ala aali Muhammadin kama baarakta `ala Ibraheema wa ala aali Ibraheema innaka Hameedum Majeed.
O Allah, bless Muhammad and the members of his family as You have blessed the members of the family of Ibrahim. Grant favors to Muhammad and the members of his family as You have granted favors to the members of the family of Ibrahim. You are indeed Praiseworthy and Glorious.

(ربنا آتنا في الدنيا حسنة وفي الآخرة حسنة وقنا عذاب النار)
Rabbana aatina fiddunya hasanah wa fil aakhirati hasanah wa qina `adhaaban naar
O our Lord! Grant us the goodness in this world and the goodness in the Hereafter and save us from the torment of Fire.

sigh wa nus

update:

al-hamdu liLlah, the guy came and left. I told my parents I'm not interested in him, and I gave them my reasons... subHan Allah, I do not want this to happen again. I am comfortable with someone and that's who I want, I don't want to see or get to know anyone else, khalas.

... calm... calm... so calm.... al-Hamdu liLlah

to help calm my mind....

my brother...

my brother was bored today, so he decided to just write something... and subHan Allah, ya Rabbi, I love the way he expresses himself... I asked him for more!!! in sha' Allah he'll write more, in sha' Allah, in sha' Allah, make du`a', because i'm so addicted.

"Today I sit here contemplating the world’s conflicts and ailments. Thinking broadly as I observe the world becoming more and more hostile towards peace. We, the United States, are engaged in an international war promoting and protecting our liberties and freedoms from terrorists’ intent on destroying our values. Ironically, as we fight around the world for these values they are slowly dissolving here at home. The very values and principles our nation was founded upon slowly dissolve into mere whispers in dimly lit homes. Things like Habeas Corpus, freedom of speech, privacy, and protection of these rights to minorities and the general public can no longer exist in our fight against terrorism. Politics which are guided by fear and paranoia are shaking the masses into silent submission as our innate and constitutionally enumerated and clearly implied rights disappear. More than 5 years since the cold hearted attacks which shook humanity to its very core we are no safer and secure today then the days just before the attacks. If anything, I honestly believe today we are far less safe and secure from acts of terrorism or the mass deaths of Americans. The President beats his war drum relentlessly as we get closer and closer to the brink of war by each strike of his drum. Explosions in Baghdad tearing innocent bodies to shreds, war exercises in the Persian Gulf as a show of strength, and tests thrusting missiles into the atmosphere creating fear, all the while nation’s leaders continue to beat their drums faster and harder. Like a symphony building up to a crescendo, rather than musicians we have soldiers and their instruments marching louder and faster towards one-another. And here I am sitting quietly as goose bumps spread across my body while the drums continue to get louder and the sounds of marching becomes so loud it deafens me with fear. The armies marching closer and the drums beating louder and in a moment of frantic terror and fear I let out a yell. . . . STOP!!! An eerie silence fills the air, and a cold breeze passes through the armies as they stand across facing each other. The cold reality of what is happening quickly opens the eyes of everyone. The realization of the imminent destruction of humanity strikes the nation’s leaders for a split second….Then with the single heavy strike of the drum all is done. Peace is achieved yet there are only dead bodies and an ash filled sky to observe it. "

If you want it, then get it...

I was thinking about a quote I read not so long ago, it was something like, "if you want to be a writer, write."

So let's see, what do I want?

If you want to memorize the Qur'an, then memorize.

If you want to have deep humility and concentration when you pray, then have deep humility and concentration.

If you want to finish grading all those papers, then grade.

If you want to go get your masters, then go get your masters.

-smiles-

I mean, it's pretty simple if we think about it. As long as progress is being made towards the final goal, then khayr, in sha' Allah.

al-Hamdu liLlah for everything...

and, if you want to get married to someone, get married to them.

Haha, sounds so simple huh? Khayr. Allah knows what is best, I know nothing.

al-hamdu liLlah for life

subHan Allah, when it all comes down to it, really there are no worries. Perhaps what is happening now is for more ease later, maybe this is a big step in what's to come.

For example, there's a welcomed/ or unwelcomed person coming ... subHan Allah, I'm not worried, the choice isn't what's hard, obviously I'm not interested. I mean, how can I be interested? What's one day meeting a person compared to spending more than a year learning about someone and very much comforted by everything learned. subHan Allah, Allahu Musta`an.

The only thing that is difficult is being in the same room of someone who is, it's such a weird feeling... I mean, just try to imagine that, sitting down not interested in someone, and having that person checking you out to see if you're the "one" for them. Answering any questions that arise from the family, knowing that in your heart you're just answering them to please your parents... ya Allah, I don't know. I think what's killing me inside is if what I am doing is right, to even be a part of this, to even allow this. There was drama in my house strictly because I didn't want this person to come... but then I eased the stress, and told them he could come, but to understand that I do have someone in mind, and just the fact that the guy is coming doesn't mean I'm going to forget about this person.

Khayr, things will be okay, please make du`a'... I'm doing my best to stay moderate with my emotions.

Today

I took a friend home and she lives deep in Rialto. She didn't want me to drop her off at her house, she kept saying, okay you can drop me off here... okay here... okay here... I was like just let me take you home, you're not going to be walking!

Personally, I'm attracted to humble living. I'm not sure why, I just like it. I wasn't afraid of the area, I was just afraid of getting lost. al-hamdu liLlah I had a friend on the phone with me as I managed to get back on the freeway, so company has a way of crushing fear. al-hamdu liLlah for everything.

A couple of nights ago, being in a very deep low, I took the screen off of my window and placed half my body outside just looking out at this dunya, trying to "understand." I tried to imagine myself being like Muhammad (salla Allahu `alayhi wa sallam) just reflecting upon life and purpose. I saw cars moving around, and lights everywhere, and I thought that somehow if I stared long enough at everything that I would suddenly be at peace with what is happening to me. I then started reciting Qur'an to myself. For the most part I was silent, then I just started staring at the sky. I saw the big dipper, it's been a while since I looked at the night sky and its constellations. ya Rab, life.

Life can be difficult... subHan Allah, it's just that with all the days that pass it is patience I'm pushing for, and subHan Allah, subHan Allah, subHan Allah I do not need to know why this is all happening, I'm satisfied that Allah has what is best planned, I just don't know how much patience I have to cope with it, I just hope I have enough. I feel as though my limits are being pushed, it's definitely challenging, there's no doubt about that. subHan Allah. I get put in such uncomfortable situations.

subHan Allah, I have in my mind a course of action to take, and may Allah make it easy.

Please keep me in your du`a', I really need to keep moderate.

After talking to friends, I feel at ease... it's just every now and then thoughts that worry me creep in... ya Rab, ya Allah, let there be ease, I need Allah to rectify my situation for me, I cannot do it alone.

khayr

in sha' Allah, it's not going to be my parents that are going to call someone, that someone is going to have to call my parents... eh, whatever, it's all the same to me.

Anyways, it's most likely going to have to be in a little over a week... that's when my parents will be ready, I guess.

khayr, Allahu a`lam what could happen.

Hehe, isn't that cute? I think it's cute! -smiles-

subHan Allah I love working out, but most of all I love to run.

I love that I work with children because they give me the freedom to be as active as I want to be. For example at the University, I can't just do cartwheels across the floor and run around, it's not appropriate; however, with children, I can do flips as often as I would like and run around and really have fun and PLAY! My students at lunch always line up and race each other, and al-hamdu liLlah one student will come up to me and say, "Teacher, race with us!"... yay!!! I love to run! I don't always beat them though! subHan Allah, one child is faster than I am, and if you have seen me run, I'm fast! Turns out his father plays basketball and when his father does laps around the courts he races after him. The child is pretty flexible too. Khayr.

I like playing sports, and being active, even when I go online, I can't sit too long after an hour I'll get up walk around then I might come back on, but I just can't stay in one spot. Same thing when I'm on the phone, I can't just sit down in one place, I'll walk in circles if I have to. -smiles- I just feel like I have to constantly be "doing" something or moving around.

Being around children is good for me. Personally, I really love teaching, and I really love children, al-Hamdu liLlah this is what I have dreamed of doing while growing up, and now I'm doing it.

subHan Allah, I love my job, I love being with children, I love what I do, and al-Hamdu liLlah.

Let's see, so what's new? -smiles- Eh, just moderate stuff, al-Hamdu liLlah.

Wow!!!! Barak Allahu Fihum!!! 200 Palestinian Women Sheild!!!

Again... Wow!

Braving Israeli gunfire and tanks, around 200 women marched on and entered the mosque to collect the gunmen, before walking out, shielding them in the midst of their heavily veiled ranks, protecting them from Israeli gunfire.

subHan Allah, wow!

Gargle Gargle...

Gargle salt water to make the sore throat go away, seriously, works wonders.

Sick

Is everyone not feeling good or something? al-Hamdu liLlah I don't have a sore throat I would hate for it to hurt when I swallow, and for everyone who does have a sore throat, I sincerely hope that it heals soon, and that there is an expiation of sin for every difficulty endured.

I think my students got me sick. There was a school `id party today, and I just left early, I just don't feel good. My nose, my head, ya Rabbi...-sniff- wipes with a tissue -sniffs-... *coughs*.. stay away from this blog before I get you sick! -sniffs-

In other news, I met my friend today, ya Allah does she look good in a hijab. I took her out to eat with her son. Her little boy is so cute masha' Allah. He kept looking at me and smiling, and laughing at times, that really made me feel good, I love children. She told me that he is usually very shy and quiet when there are strangers and that his behavior is strange... it's not strange, children are easy to figure out, if you smile they smile back, that's all. I met her mother in law, and she wanted to know if I was interested in getting married, honestly, I'm not interested in anyone else, I'm very happy and grateful for the way my life is right now, and al-Hamdu liLlah. I went over to the apartment of my new hijabi friend, wa barak Allahu fiha, and I stayed for some time, then all of a sudden her door bell rang, it was her husband. I just got up and left right away, she told me, "he came home early." Khayr, it's okay, but ya Allah I felt so weird, I know I left so quickly but I felt it inappropriate to stay. Khayr, ya Rab.

I met a Muslimah who is dealing with breast cancer right now, ya Allah, protect us from such trials. subHan Allah, sometimes we need to meet people who are in difficulty to understand how grateful we should be. I feel I really don't understand how fortunate I am, I feel that even though I try to express gratitude it's not enough, and I can never understand just how grateful to be. Again, khayr, khayr ya Rab.

Rabbi al-Wadud, that is what He is, how He has given us so much, al-Hamdu liLlah.

Today, I had a lot of fun with my class. I had to somehow teach them how to read a map, and I cannot bore them, I hate to make a lesson dry, especially for first graders. I decided to make a treasure hunt for them, I made a cartoon map of the school, and gave them all a paper to find the treasure. I hid fake diamond jewels and lots of other toys in the sand box outside in the playground, they really enjoyed the lesson. What I loved the most was how they all worked together to find the treasure. I loved it! ya Allah, how I love them!

My students are starting to do something I'm not pleased with, and I need to find a way to control. My students hug me way too much. For example, I could be up teaching them what a noun is and how to find it in a sentence then all of a sudden, one student gets up to hug me, and I will say, "thank you, I love you, but please you need to sit down to let me finish." Then ya Rab! ya Rab, one by one they all get up to hug me! Today I had piles of children just come up to me and hug me. Same at snack, I will just walk to the other side of the building, and then one comes, and yee they all start rushing over. Like sometimes they come at such speed I almost fall over. It's funny as I think of it now, but they need to control themselves. They also fight with each other and cry over who sits next to me, I just... I don't know! Sometimes I can be mean, and they will lose privledges for that, but I need to find a balance with it. I'll find it insha' Allah, weird huh? that's just weird. I like to be loved, who doesn't? I just need to be more firm with them. Khayr, al-Hamdu liLlah.

I'm going to go make some tea or something for these sniffles, maybe put some honey in it if we have some, khayr.

al-Hamdu liLlah for everything, Allah is al-Wadud.

Oh, I should mention I already started applying to Universities to in sha' Allah get a Masters in Islamic Studies.. I hope to get most of the application process done this weekend, make du`a' for me that if this is a good choice that Allah allows it to go through, and that if it is not that Allah will open for me a path better than it. Allah is al-Hakim and I trust Him completely. al-Hamdu liLlah.

hijab

al-Hamdu liLlah, I just got off of a phone call with a friend of mine... she just wanted to tell me that she started covering her hair today -smiles-.

It's a funny story really, you see, she doesn't know me that well. We honestly briefly met each other twice, but I guess sometimes you have a connection with people that you can't quite describe. I gave her my number and she called me once, and it was a very simple conversation, you know the usual.."hi remember me from that party?".. "yea, I do, how are you?".. "I'm good, so what's new?" -smiles- khayr.

Then I saw her briefly at `id prayer. Then the following night she called me to talk about hijab, and how she really wants to wear it and how hard it is for her. At one point she started crying, and we talked for a long time about what the hijab is all about, and all that good stuff. I told her that I would help her through the process and that I understand it's not something that's so easy to do. I told her if she would like we can go for a test drive, I mean, i'll give her a scarf to wear we'll go out to the mall and have a great time ~pretty much to show her that just because you cover it doesn't mean you're an outsider, you can still have fun and enjoy yourself... only fi sabil liLlah -smiles-~

Khayr, pray that Allah accepts my efforts.

Now one week later from that conversation, she called me and she expressed how she started covering today and how wonderful she feels! -smiles- Barak Allahu fiha, that's such wonderful news! I'm really happy for her, al-Hamdu liLlah.

I'm going to see her tomorrow for jumu`ah, in sha' Allah... I'm excited.

nice words... don't know much about the guy, I need to look into it, in sha' Allah

Be careful to leave your sons well instructed rather than rich, for the hopes of the instructed are better than the wealth of the ignorant.
Epictetus

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.
Epictetus

First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.
Epictetus

Freedom is not procured by a full enjoyment of what is desired, but by controlling the desire.
Epictetus

God has entrusted me with myself.
Epictetus

He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.
Epictetus

If virtue promises happiness, prosperity and peace, then progress in virtue is progress in each of these for to whatever point the perfection of anything brings us, progress is always an approach toward it.
Epictetus

If you wish to be a writer, write.
Epictetus

Imagine for yourself a character, a model personality, whose example you determine to follow, in private as well as in public.
Epictetus

It is the nature of the wise to resist pleasures, but the foolish to be a slave to them.
Epictetus

It takes more than just a good looking body. You've got to have the heart and soul to go with it.
Epictetus

It's not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.
Epictetus

Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them.
Epictetus

No greater thing is created suddenly, any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. If you tell me that you desire a fig, I answer you that there must be time. Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.
Epictetus

No man is free who is not master of himself.
Epictetus

Not every difficult and dangerous thing is suitable for training, but only that which is conducive to success in achieving the object of our effort.
Epictetus

One that desires to excel should endeavor in those things that are in themselves most excellent.
Epictetus

Only the educated are free.
Epictetus

Practice yourself, for heaven's sake in little things, and then proceed to greater.
Epictetus

The greater the difficulty the more glory in surmounting it. Skillful pilots gain their reputation from storms and tempests.
Epictetus

The soul's impurity consists in bad judgments, and purification consists in producing in it right judgments, and the pure soul is one which has right judgments.
Epictetus

The two powers which in my opinion constitute a wise man are those of bearing and forbearing.
Epictetus

There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.
Epictetus

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.
Epictetus

When you are offended at any man's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger.
Epictetus

Whenever you are angry, be assured that it is not only a present evil, but that you have increased a habit.
Epictetus

Whoever does not regard what he has as most ample wealth, is unhappy, though he be master of the world.
Epictetus

subHan Allah

I'm so fortunate, so fortunate, al-Hamdu liLlah.

-Ahem- jazak Allah khayr.

Qur'an is amazing, filled with awe, and it helps with everything, subHan Allah, everything.

al-Hamdu liLlah.

Always, always, al-Hamdu liLlah.

Classroom Rules

My classroom rules are Luqman's advice to his son. I made sure every student in my class wrote them down in their journal. I told them, "listen up, this is very important! I know how to make you become children of wisdom! Would you like to have wisdom? This is even better than being smart, this is like having a big brain! Here we go..." [now imagine a class on the edge of their seats wanting to write all these down]:

1. Tawhid: Believe in One God.
2. Taqwa: Be AWARE of God. [Here I explained that Allah can see everything they do, and hear everything they say.]
3. Right actions: You must pray, do what is good, forbid the bad, and be patient with all hardships.
4. Humility: Be good and gentle to everyone around you.
5. Modesty: Have nice manners, and walk with modesty and speak with gentleness.

During snack time one student told me that another student called her a bad name. Then I told them, Allah heard that, if I were you I would say astaghfur Allah so that the angel recording the bad things you said can erase it. Then the child said, "astaghfur Allah, astaghfur Allah, astaghfur Allah"... after many minutes had passed, I went by this student only to hear her continuing, "astaghfur Allah, astaghfur Allah, astaghfur Allah" Indeed, this is a lesson for adults to learn, a child feels regret and asks for Allah's forgiveness a multitude of times, and how much do we sincerely call for Allah's forgiveness. Khayr, ya Rab.

~

I'm glad someone's done with their exams (most of them anyway). My du`a' are with you.