Today

I took a friend home and she lives deep in Rialto. She didn't want me to drop her off at her house, she kept saying, okay you can drop me off here... okay here... okay here... I was like just let me take you home, you're not going to be walking!

Personally, I'm attracted to humble living. I'm not sure why, I just like it. I wasn't afraid of the area, I was just afraid of getting lost. al-hamdu liLlah I had a friend on the phone with me as I managed to get back on the freeway, so company has a way of crushing fear. al-hamdu liLlah for everything.

A couple of nights ago, being in a very deep low, I took the screen off of my window and placed half my body outside just looking out at this dunya, trying to "understand." I tried to imagine myself being like Muhammad (salla Allahu `alayhi wa sallam) just reflecting upon life and purpose. I saw cars moving around, and lights everywhere, and I thought that somehow if I stared long enough at everything that I would suddenly be at peace with what is happening to me. I then started reciting Qur'an to myself. For the most part I was silent, then I just started staring at the sky. I saw the big dipper, it's been a while since I looked at the night sky and its constellations. ya Rab, life.

Life can be difficult... subHan Allah, it's just that with all the days that pass it is patience I'm pushing for, and subHan Allah, subHan Allah, subHan Allah I do not need to know why this is all happening, I'm satisfied that Allah has what is best planned, I just don't know how much patience I have to cope with it, I just hope I have enough. I feel as though my limits are being pushed, it's definitely challenging, there's no doubt about that. subHan Allah. I get put in such uncomfortable situations.

subHan Allah, I have in my mind a course of action to take, and may Allah make it easy.

Please keep me in your du`a', I really need to keep moderate.

After talking to friends, I feel at ease... it's just every now and then thoughts that worry me creep in... ya Rab, ya Allah, let there be ease, I need Allah to rectify my situation for me, I cannot do it alone.