al-hamdu liLlah for life

subHan Allah, when it all comes down to it, really there are no worries. Perhaps what is happening now is for more ease later, maybe this is a big step in what's to come.

For example, there's a welcomed/ or unwelcomed person coming ... subHan Allah, I'm not worried, the choice isn't what's hard, obviously I'm not interested. I mean, how can I be interested? What's one day meeting a person compared to spending more than a year learning about someone and very much comforted by everything learned. subHan Allah, Allahu Musta`an.

The only thing that is difficult is being in the same room of someone who is, it's such a weird feeling... I mean, just try to imagine that, sitting down not interested in someone, and having that person checking you out to see if you're the "one" for them. Answering any questions that arise from the family, knowing that in your heart you're just answering them to please your parents... ya Allah, I don't know. I think what's killing me inside is if what I am doing is right, to even be a part of this, to even allow this. There was drama in my house strictly because I didn't want this person to come... but then I eased the stress, and told them he could come, but to understand that I do have someone in mind, and just the fact that the guy is coming doesn't mean I'm going to forget about this person.

Khayr, things will be okay, please make du`a'... I'm doing my best to stay moderate with my emotions.