Middle Mood

The mood that someone is in is so important, sooo important. SubHan Allah how Allah has created humans with all types of moods, we taste happiness, anger, disappointment, frustration, stress, sadness, warmth, love, excitement, enjoyment, ease, hardship, and on and on. Different days, with a different mood, different tests. How does one control their happiness? anger? disappointment? ...

HOW... ?

I believe that by gratefulness, and understanding that things are decreed to be a certain way somehow level out to a middle mood, a really nice middle mood.

Usually I have to fight my happiness, I don't like being too happy, I have to control it. It's a quiet happiness, something I feel inside, for example this happens when I pass by flowers. Heh, it's really funny because I don't realize I'm smiling, and friends would say to me, "I passed by you in my car this morning and you were smiling, what made you so happy?"... and I'm thinking, 'I was smiling? really?'.. and I'll tell them, "must be the flowers, weren't they beautiful this morning?"

This inside tickling, inside butterflies and giggly feeling, it's so nice.. I get it when I see children, when I see Muslims, when I see beautiful masajid, when I hear good speech, when I smell my mothers food, or my grandmothers food, when I see friends or people after a long time, such a happy happy feeling... but it needs to be controlled, and alHamdu lilLah for such good moods.

Today, for some reason, I tasted the opposite end of this happiness, a very deep sadness. Sadness coupled with weakness, and I felt ... I felt... well I'm not sure how to describe it but my heart softened and tears dropped very easily. subHan Allah ... just a very low mood, it didn't last too long, but truly we are so weak, and moods play a major role in our lives. I really didn't have a good reason to cry, I think I just overburdened myself with too many thoughts at one time... but then again, I needed a good cry, I really did. Do we honestly think we can live on this Earth and not be tested? we must tested... those whom Allah loves are tested, I hope I am of those who are loved.

Speaking about hope, what a powerful word. I seriously have a strong hope I enter Jannah, a very very strong hope. I don't want this hope to be a false hope, I don't want to imagine this hope of entering jannah is a hope that doesn't play through, I'll be devastated! subHan Allaaaaah.... When I think of those in Jahanam I feel like I can hear them yelling, screaming, " yā laytanī Kuntu turābā !!!"... chills. Ya Rab.... and what I want, what I strongly want, what I hope for, is to hear is:

Fādkhulī fī `ibādī.
29.
"Enter you, then, among My honoured slaves,
فَادْخُلِي فِي عِبَادِي
30.
Wa udkhulī Jannatī.
.
"And enter you My Paradise!"
وَادْخُلِي جَنَّتِي "

... ya Allah... this hope. This is one hope that I want to see a successful end for, more than any other hope that I have right now.

I guess when we think of how vulnerable we are, tears just come easily and perhaps naturally. Right now I'm back at the middle mood, that's the way I like it, this mood makes life really nice. It's really amazing how we switch moods though... one minute we are sad, next we are laughing, next we are crying... subHan Allah, the middle nothing mood, that's the one I like.