-sigh- I'm going to vent...

I hate venting, but sometimes I really need to, like now.

I'm so drained, and maybe it's my lack of energy talking, but I don't think I want to be a teacher anymore. Even with the teachers aids, I'm overwhelmed with grading, with planning out a weeks homework and classwork. I feel like sometimes I'm so tired I can't make the lesson fun and the children just "have to do it"... I never thought I would ever say that, or do that to someone, tell them that they have to do it, it should be that they themselves feel the desire to do it, and want it.

Then today for Sunday school, for some reason, I'm just zoning out. I think because again, I'm just so tired that I can't focus in on the students. It's weird like for a moment, I'll draw them in and I am focused and I'll speak but then mid way I get into this monotone and I lose it. I can feel myself being boring, and I can see it on their faces.

al-Hamdu liLlah for everything.

Life right now feels like I'm just doing things. One minute I need to make copies, the next minute grade those papers, next minute teach the class, the next minute talk to so and so's parents... maybe I forgot why I'm doing it, maybe I forgot what made me love it, I'm not sure, it's just not fun anymore, it's work.

I have just hit a low right now, and I feel like I need a break, like I want everything to stop so I can just rest. Then perhaps I can restart with more energy and more passion.

Maybe this is like our Iman, sometimes it's on a high, and then at other times it's on a low.

Things in sha' Allah will be okay, I just feel tired... maybe I'm not eating properly, well, I know I'm not eating properly. Maybe that's what it is, I need to eat better.

I want to be in a state in which I don't have anything to worry about, but there will always be things to worry about, and things to do. -sigh- Unless of course Allah has mercy on me and allows me to enter Jannah, subHan Allah, I want that.

I want to go back to really loving everything that I'm doing, I just don't know how to get back to that.

Make du`a' for me, please.